"Who's cutting the cord?!" - These are the words I vaguely remember hearing from the nurse's lips. And in that very surreal moment both birthparents looked at me and said "you should do it… this is your moment too."
I will be completely honest - most days are great days. I am constantly thinking about fatherhood and everything I look forward to sharing with our kids. But every once in awhile something or someone will trigger my emotions. There is nothing wrong with a good cry, right? Well, about a month ago I had one of those sad days and wrote the following:
As I grow older I definitely feel like time passes more quickly. Looking back at some of the photo highlights from 2015, it is hard to believe how much takes place in just a year. I feel very fortunate to have travelled for both fun and for work, visited numerous family members and friends, and celebrated countless weddings, babies and birthdays. To top it all off, Casey and I officially jumped into the adoption process and launched KNIT FOR BABY. It has been an emotional journey so far and we remain hopeful that 2016 will bring us our bundle of joy. And while I say this time and time again, THANK YOU so much for your support. I think about what an amazing family our baby will be surrounded by knowing that all of you have become a part of our family. Every single word of encouragement, each positive thought, every contribution, all of the hugs and listening ears have brought us that much closer to realizing our dream of adopting children. So without further ado, I present 2015 in photos (starting with three fuel stops in Canada):
A is for Adele - I have been a fan since the very beginning. Her music may not be for everyone (although I think it should be), but you cannot deny that she is very talented. I feel like she and I would really hit it off and be good friends if the opportunity were to present itself. I love how she remains grounded and humble despite her immense success.
B is for Baking - Tis the season for baking! I learned from Aunt Lu that baking is the preferred method to warming up the house on a cold morning. I am also married to a man who cannot resist a homemade chocolate chip cookie.
C is for Casey - I am so lucky to be married to such an incredibly talented and loving man. He is going to be an amazing father to our children.
D is for Dads - There is a long list of dads that I have looked up to and admired over the years. Many have set wonderful examples for me as I get ready to join the club. Even though I have not always seen eye to eye with my own dad, he has equipped me with such a strong work ethic and excellent values to live by.
E is for Encouragement - The adoption process has been extremely emotional and trying at times. The encouraging words that we have received from so many of you have helped us to not give up!
At the beginning of August, Casey and I hosted our Youth Group's 2nd Annual Glamping Trip (Glamping = Glamorous Camping). At the evening campfire we asked each of the kids to name a highlight from the past year in addition to a goal for the coming year. After all of them had gone around, they turned the tables on us and asked for our own answers. When it came to sharing my goal, all of them shouted "to have kids!". While this is most certainly true, I revised my answer a little bit. I informed them that in all honesty, adoption can be a long and complicated process and that adopting a child this year may not actually happen despite all of our efforts. My goal was rather to remain patient and to keep a positive attitude. A few of them have already volunteered to babysit!
Summer has flown by so quickly and now I am trying to catch-up on blogging all the while playing catch-up with old friends from college…
I was incredibly nervous on the first day of freshman orientation at Trinity University. A new state and a new beginning. High school had been an emotional struggle for me and I was ready to escape. Would I be able to adjust to life in Texas and make all new friends?
How many of you get to do that? Better question might be, how many of you WANT to do that?!
15 years ago I struggled even to say the word "gay". I was scared, slightly confused and terribly conflicted inside. I had known since middle school that I was different, but beyond that I still didn't fully understand my feelings. Why did I notice that other boy? Did I want to be his friend? Did I want to look like him? What was this strange attraction I felt? I was sheltered in a way that left me feeling clueless to why my peers chose to pick on me and call me names. Why did that guy keep calling me a "fruit"? My eyes were slowly opened and because of my religious upbringing I was left feeling ashamed of who I was. Clearly there was something wrong with me and maybe I could make it go away.
Life is complex. I have sat down multiple times trying to write this post and keep finding myself at a loss for words. As individuals we get wrapped up in our careers, our families and our immediate surroundings. Our plates are full and rightfully so. We are fortunate to be able to live the very full lives that we have created.
… Casey and I exchanged vows in front of our amazingly supportive friends and family.